Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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