Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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