hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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