I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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