Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
