See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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