My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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