Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
