My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
