I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm jealous of your bromance
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
