I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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