he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
