hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
