Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
