I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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