just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
