yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize