NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
