okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
