So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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