Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
