He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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