i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
