Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
