I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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