Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
