I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
