One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
