Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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