I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
