I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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