Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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