watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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