Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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