brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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