True but thats because hes a fetus.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i came on her dog
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
