turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize