Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
