I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she peed on how many people?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
