Need sex. Gaining weight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
