I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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