I look better un-naked...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
