Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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