shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
