I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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