Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize