PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
