Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
