If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
