I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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