I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
