You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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