so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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