This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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