I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
