I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
