Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize