if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
