I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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