you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
