this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
