apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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