I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
