R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
