he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
