OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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