I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize