chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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