good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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