Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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