woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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