I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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