I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
