I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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