The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize