i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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