Are we in a gay sports bar?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
