If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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