told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
