you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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