Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
