Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
