everyone is single if you try hard enough
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
