Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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