just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
