My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
