I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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