You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
