Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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