Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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