I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
