am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
