so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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