Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
