so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
