I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
