Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
