A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
