At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize