please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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