The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize