I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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