Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
