i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
