I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
