Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
