I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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