You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
