I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
